The Game You Should Never Play With Someone Living With Dementia

Games can be fun, but the one game that you should never play with your partner living with dementia is the "guessing game". Unless you partner is the one who initiates the "game", it can be a very cruel and unusual punishment for your partner.

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Asking them, "Do you remember who I am?", "Which one am I?", "What's my name?", "When's my birthday?", "Whose this?", "What's that?", "Do you remember when..." or any other variation of a question that can feel like quizzing, can cause a person with dementia to feel anxious and distressed.

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While it's natural to want to check-in with your partner to see if they remember you or try to "get them to remember" or to want to reminisce and reconnect with old memories, it's essential to approach these interactions with empathy, understanding, and sensitivity. Engaging in the "guessing game" places unnecessary pressure on your partner, potentially intensifying negative feelings.‍

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Instead of playing the "guessing game," here are some practical alternatives:  

1. Have everyone, including your partner, where a name tag. If everyone has a name tag, there will be no need to guess.
2. Instead of asking direct, specific questions about memories or personal details, focus on open-ended conversations. Share stories, talk about shared interests, or discuss topics that elicit positive emotions and engagement.
3. Encourage reminiscence by looking at old photo albums and commenting on the photos or asking questions that do not have a right or wrong answer, such as "what do you think is happening in this photo?", listening to music from their past, or engaging in activities that evoke positive memories.
4. Utilize memory boxes or memory boards that display important information and reminders for things THEY want or need to remember. These can serve as helpful cues and assist in maintaining a sense of familiarity and routine.
5. Embrace the present moment and engage in activities that bring joy and fulfillment. Participate in hobbies together, go for walks, or simply enjoy each other's company. By emphasizing the present, you create opportunities for meaningful interactions.
6. Practice active listening and give your partner the time they need to express themselves. Avoid rushing or interrupting their thoughts.