The "I want to go home!" Dilemma: The #1 Mistake
Does your partner often tell you they want to go home or ask you when you are going to take them home? Maybe you've tried the infamous approach of redirect and distract without much success. Let me tell you the number 1 mistake I see dementia care partners make when trying to address the "I want to go home!" dilemma: not addressing the person with dementia's need to go home.
When a person expresses the desire to go home, it's typically for a reason. It's important to understand that the concept of "home" extends beyond a physical location; it can also represent a profound feeling and a fundamental need that can be fulfilled by being in a familiar environment. Therefore, it is important to dive deeper and explore what "home" symbolizes for your partner living with dementia. What does the idea of home mean to them, and why are they seeking "home"?
Is your partner longing for engagement, comfort, familiarity, or belonging? Does your partner see home as a place to be able to rest comfortably, be free of pain, use the bathroom, and eat something satisfying. Dismissing or ignoring where the desire to go home is coming from can lead to feelings of confusion, frustration, agitation, and depression for the person living with dementia — and, understandably so, right!?
This is why if you try to redirect and distract a person with dementia without trying to understand and address their need for home, you may be met with resistance or intensified emotions or find yourself exhausted constantly trying to redirect, redirect, distract, distract.
It's important to first determine what important need your partner has by asking relevant questions such as, "what's at home?" "what's wrong?" "okay, where's your home?" "what does your home look like?". The more you understand, the better you will be able to validate your partner's feelings or address an underlying unmet need. You want your partner to feel heard and understood while trying your best to help resolve their issue where you can.
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